Trying to live life...with a stupid ED in my head!

August 12, 2008

Home

Well, I'm finally home! You guys had some really good discussions going while I was gone, and I loved reading them.
Someone mentioned that they got on the scale and it came out to be a number they didn't like, and this is something I'd like to talk about. In my opinion, scales should be thrown out the window. I think that if you look in the mirror and a comfortable with what you see, then its fine. Of course everyone has their good and bad days but in the end how you feel about yourself should never come down to a number.

Alright. I had a lot of fun up north. There was a lot of ice cream involved, and on the last night I totally binged on spaghetti, breadsticks, pizza, more ice cream (peanut butter cup, my favorite!), brownies, chocolate syrup, Hershey kisses, and somehow I had about 4 biscuits. I have no idea, they just looked really yummy. Hah. I've never been a binger, but lately its been happening about once a week. Does anyone know why I might be doing this?

Today I want to ask something that some of us might need to really think about.
When you want to restrict yourself, binge, or purge, why do you want to do this?
I'm big on what others think of me (I know, I shouldn't be) and if someone doesn't like me, or says one negative thing about me, I immediatly want to restrict what I'm eating. So what does it for you?

Have an amazing day everyone!

9 comments:

Alyssa said...

I've never had a problem with binging, but I can take a guess. Sometimes when I have been restricting (which now a days usually means having really safe foods all the time) there comes a point when I am realllllyyy craving the nonsafe foods I have not been allowing myself to eat. Then, I don't binge, but I eat those less-safe foods or have a small bite of a cookie or ice cream. I know that is not binging, but ed makes me feel like it is. Anyways, maybe you binge because you have been denying yourself those foods for a long time and your craving for them finally caught up with you and you wanted those foods now and a lot of it. That is just a guess...I'll answer the other question later!

Anonymous said...

I binge sometimes, I remember when I was recovering from my anorexia I would binge, but I don't remember if I felt bad about it or not. I think I couldn't control myself from bingeing because I had gone so long restricting what I ate, it was like an animal that has gone weeks without eating and then when it finds food it will eat and eat and eat, and that's what I did, but it took a long time for me to put weight on even bingeing like that. I restrict myself even now because of my own standards I've put on myself. My eating disorder is now where near the caliber it was at my worst, now I just have disordered eating. Best thing to do is not rule out a treat in the future if you aren't allowing your self right then.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had fun! I agree with everyone else that when I stop eating a certain sweet or something then I definitely overeat it when there's a chance too. It kind of happened last weekend and I just thought it tasted so darn good that I should have another, and then I think it's ok because I haven't eaten it for a long time. I don't think that's a good habit to have..And I think that maybe you binge because you think it's ok sometimes because you are trying to gain weight because that's what I always think too.

samswimchick said...

I like restricing because it leaves this dull pain in my stomach. I've gotten so used to it that I actually miss it when it isn't there. I sometimes pride myself on going to bed starving because I know I'll wake up weighing less. I do it for the flat stomach and weak muscle feeling. It makes me feel pretty, I guess.

ducky said...

hey been reading from the start
just now posting lately iv been binging every now and then because i figure i have to gain weight i might as well have a small bit of fun doing it right? lol

duckyxxx

jenngirl said...

I agree with some above posts about the binging, i think if you restrict yourself from food for so long, that when you start allowing yourself to eat again, your body can get a little out of control. my advice would be to start allowing yourself smaller, more frequent meals rather than binging, because while yes, gaining weight is a priority, developing healthy eating habits is just as important.
I think restricting for me took out any anxiety that eating and food caused in me. I was always terrified that that next bite of food would send me into a binge or that I would gain weight from it, so by avoiding it altogether I felt like I didn't have to worry. Welcome home! :)

Anonymous said...

Does anybody know that when you are gaining weight if you'll be able to tell in the arms, legs, or back. Mostly the arms, I was just curious if the weight would all be in you stomach or not. I'm slowly starting to gain pounds finally!

just me said...

hey! i just found your blog and really like how it's more discussion based! i'm glad that you're working on recovering...

i've been there many time before; you can check out my story on my blog. hope it's ok that i add you to my blogroll! your posts are very interesting!

Laura said...

I'm not sure if anyone even checks this blog out anymore but I really wish people would keep commenting or have discussions! I had a doctors appt. recently and have gained 8 lbs. I was so excited. I still have about 12 more to go to get to my goal weight but it is such a good feeling to know that you've accomplished something that is going to help your health!