Trying to live life...with a stupid ED in my head!

July 29, 2008

OMGZ, First Post!

Hi everyone! Welcome to Hey Ed, Screw You! This is a place where people with eating disorders can come, talk about things, get rid of frustration, ask questions, anything you want. It doesn't even have to be about eating disorders, because I am just a normal (well, for the most part) teenager who is trying to get through the hardest years of her life. I'll basically just be writing about my days-the struggles and triumphs-and answer ANY questions that anyone might have :)

Today I had a fabulously boring day. That's usually how it is in the summer, because I can't drive yet (203 days! Yes, I'm counting down), so I just hang out around the house a lot. I woke up and Mom was already in the kitchen making breakfast. I woke up at 8:21 today, which is unusually late for me. My parents make all of my food and watch me eat it to make sure I'm getting everything the nutritionist put on my food plan. So I ate breakfast, then I poked around in my jammies for a little, checked the food blogs (Katheats, Eat Live Run, and Eat Like Me-my favorites!), and had an Ensure (blegh, I know) and a peach because I had more of an appetite today. No idea why. I lazed around some more until lunch, which my mom packed and left in the fridge for me...turkey and cheese sandwich, peanut butter and apples. I ate my lunch and felt comfortable and full like usually. But then...I had a Cliff Bar. THEN I had an Oreo Cakester, two fruit roll ups, a granola bar, a protein bar, marshmallows (WHICH I HATE), and some crackers. What is the meaning of this?! I seriously have no idea where that came from. My dad got home from musky fishing and I told him about it, and he told me not to worry, a little binge every now and then won't hurt you. I knew it would be okay, but of course I felt disgusting and would rather just have not looked at food for the rest of the day. I watched 27 Dresses, one of my favorites, with my sister and then had to eat dinner. We had garlic chicken, pasta, veggies, and garlic bread with butter. And of course I had pineapple juice. After cleaning up, I went for a walk around my block with iPod. I usually walk for about 30 minutes a day 1. because that's all I am allowed, and 2. because I found it to be a HUGE stress reliever. Now I'm just hanging out for the rest of the night, and I'll have 1/2 cup mixed nuts later. Maybe I should post pictures of my meals so you guys don't have to read all of it?! By the way, I'm trying to gain weight right now. Ugh. The doctor wants me somewhere between 120 and 125. I had reached my goal before, but then lost some again, so now we are trying to get back on track. And I'm SO close! They don't tell me my weight but my mom says I'm almost there! Hopefully tomorrow (weigh day) will go well. Wish me luck!

18 comments:

samswimchick said...

Hey Sydney, thank you! =]

Sydney said...

samswimchick...
no problem girl! =]

Alyssa said...

Omg I was sssoooo excited to see on Jenna's blog that you started this blog! I just turned 20 (eek!) on Monday and have had an ed for four years as of this summer. Awesome idea for the blog, plus the name is excellent! You mentioned pics in your post, that would be a good idea, because at least for me pics make me want to read a blog more, for some reason. I don't know my exact weight either (mostly because I don't want to know the exact number), but I know the general area and I have been at my goal weight for a while. Let me know if you have any questions, and I will certainly reach out because I still struggle a lot, even though I'm "stable". Sorry for the super long post! Yay!

Jessica said...

Dear Sydney,

What a great idea to start this blog! I believe it will work WONDERS for your ED recovery. I'm 18, just finished my first year away at college, where I struggled with an eating disorder...mostly it was binge eating, but i did go through an anorexia phase. This summer I've been slowly but surely progressing toward recovery and stumbling upon your blog is a sign that I'm headed in the right direction!!! I just wanted to let you know that I FULLY SUPPORT YOU and this blog, and can't wait to hear about your experiences and share some of my own here as well. Thanks for being brave and reaching out!!! -jessica

Sydney said...

Alyssa...pictures always make me want to read a blog more too! Hah. Congratulations on maintaining your goal weight; I can't wait until I get there!

Jessica...
Keep going with the recovery and let me know if you ever need any encouragement, I've got a lot of it.

Thank you both for being so supportive <3

caitlinbo said...

i like your blog so far! keep it up and remember nothing is better than being happy with yourself ;)

Sydney said...

Caitlinbo...
Thank you so much, and I cannot wait until the day I finally am (:

Anonymous said...

Sydney,
You are quite the inspiration... great name for the blog :)
I have had an eating disorder for 5years (I'm 20) and am currently restoring some weight. It is hard, scary work and I am glad that I found this because it seems encouraging to know that others feel positive about recovery. Thank you.

Sydney said...

Anonymous...
I completely agree. It is very very scary and SO hard. But my mom always tells me that things can only get better. It might get difficult sometimes, but always know that you are going through all of this just to come out stronger in the end. You're welcome, and thank you! Good luck =]

Ellie said...

Hi, just wanted to say that I think starting an ED support blog is a nice idea. I am also a fan of Kath Eats, Eat Live Run and Eat Like Me (probably my favorite/ one that matches up most with what I like to eat is Jenna's).
Good luck gaining weight. I've been there! Random -- one of my favorite things to eat while I was trying to gain weight (besides ice cream that is) was iced coffee with whipped cream. I'm 20 now and I've gone through a lot of phases of "def. not eating disordered anymore but really skinny and with rigid eating habits" and "skinny but constantly compulsively eating" and "normal, completely non skinny weight and feeling terrible about it" etc. etc. It's great knowing that many other girls have the exact same problems and anxieties and that many have overcome them too. Keep it up, good luck.

Sydney said...

Ellie...
Thanks for the support :)
My favorite thing to eat a lot of for weight gain is peanut butter! I'm completely addicted. Seriously. Like spoonful right out of the jar serious. Haha.

jenngirl said...

Hey! I was so glad to see this blog! I am 20, and I just reached my "goal weight" about 3 weeks ago after struggling with anorexia for the past year. I also just started a food blog, because I too kept up with the ones you've mentioned and they gave me such motivation to live healthfully. Come visit mine, and keep up the good work!

Danielle said...

Sydney,
This is such an awesome idea for a blog and one which I definitely think needed to be created! Thanks :). I have never had a prescribed ED but I definitely dabbled with my share of unhealthy eating habits, as have millions of others girls, so I am sure to come back here daily for support. Speaking of, you sounds like you're making wonderful progress and even though you may be new we are all here for you. Best of luck girl, we're in this together!

Lola said...

Hey Sydney,

I know it's a very 90's expression and I'm totally dating myself, but you go girl! I'm 26 and have struggled with bulimia for about 5 years. For such a young girl, you have a terrific head on your shoulders. I wish you the very best and I commend you for your honesty and courage. Thanks!

Kelly

Andrea said...

Sydney,
I love your idea for this blog! I have suffered with anorexia 4 years ago (i'm 20) and since i recovered i've experienced times where i binge eat, restrict, and over-exercise etc. but since i starting following all these blogs (i love your favs the most!) i've improved soooo much. anyways, thanks for your work on this blog and i'm sure it will be great!!
xo
Andrea

kristylaverne said...

Heey! I got a link to your blog from Eat Like Me.

I've also battled an ED for most of my life. I've just started a food blog, but I've actually been finding that the obsession to take pictures of everything I eat is making me preoccupied with food again. I don't know if I'll continue that.

However, it is a good idea for curbing binges. If you have the idea in your head that you HAVE to picture everything you eat and own up to it, maybe it'll hold you more accountable.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to continueing to read your blog... and bes tof luck!!

Molly said...

Hello,

Obviously this is your blog and you can do whatever you want with it, but I have something to suggest/for you to consider. I am recovering from an ed, and I was triggered coming to your blog when I saw lists of food you had eaten (then berated yourself for), and weight. It may be a more positive experience for people in recovery if you left stuff like that out.

Anonymous said...

wow. even reading the comments (sydney, ellie, danielle) it's so relieving to know that other girls in their teens/20's deal with periods of bingeing/overeating then restricting/overexercising..
the idea of supporting eachother to get past this is great! im happy you started this blog!